Fat. Fatter. Fattest.
This is the fattest I’ve been in over a decade.
I look disgusting.
I can’t believe anyone even watched this.
Those were my exact thoughts upon seeing the above images.
For too many reasons to count, since moving I have felt like a fish out of water.
I am not fully plugged in to a church community.
Work is not going as I’d hoped.
Despite going to five different gyms in the community, I have yet to find my tribe of fitness friends to motivate me to “bring my A-game” before sunrise.
I haven’t settled into a routine.
I’m spending many nights alone.
My weeks are not filled with my favorite things.
As a result of all of this uncertainty, I’ve turned to food for comfort and companionship.
Again.
While it may only be 4 extra lbs. on the surface, it’s what’s underneath that’s the issue.
Binge eating and I go way back, sunshine.
Food doesn’t reject me.
Food doesn’t leave me in my darkest hours.
Food doesn’t argue or disagree with me.
And I get to control how much, when, where, and what I eat.
Sadly, this control mechanism works the opposite of the way I want it to.
My desire to control life’s circumstances (which, for me, is manifest through binging on food and exercise) is really a false sense of security.
I was hoping that starting the Monday Motivation classes would help bring some “purpose” to my life, in addition to some structure and a tribe of like-minded individuals, too.
Instead it highlighted all of my insecurities and internal scripts (you can’t even imagine the insecurities that flared up!)–with visual reminders on a FB LIVE feed no less.
Yes, I could delete the post.
Yes, I could’ve chosen to alter the images that I used to promote the Motivation Monday class.
But I doesn’t help anyone (including me) when I hide.
I’m raw.
I’m real.
I’m struggling with something much deeper than a few pounds on a scale or an unfavorable FB image.
I’m ready to get back to the core of the issue.
I’m ready to do the work.
Right now, I’m not focused on what God says about me.
I’m focused on what I feel.
I’m focused on what I see.
I’m focused on me. Me. Me.
It’s time to return to HIs Word–to The Truth.
If any of this sounds familiar, perhaps it’s time for you to set your mind, too.
I would love a tribe of accountability partners.
I am choosing to “Set My Mind” for 6 minutes every morning for six consecutive days at 6:00a.m .EST with God’s Word and Truth–not the lies of the enemy that seem to be more believable these days.
If you struggle with seeing yourself as beautiful, whole, forgiven, accepted, chosen, priceless…then I invite you to join me to Set Your Mind at 6:00a.m. everyday beginning next week.
If you are interested, simply reply to this message “YES”, and I will send the essentials your way.
If you’re ready, let’s set our minds, so we can go and do what He’s called us to do.
Ready. SET. Go.
We are in this together, sunshine. |
