|If you read my blog earlier this week, you’d recall that this past weekend was life-changing for me. I’ve had a few moments like that in my life, as I am sure you’ve had, too, sunshine.
Throughout this week, I’ve taken the time to really slow down life’s pace and process, journal, and reflect upon the soul-searching experiences and activities of the weekend and how I am going to make necessary shifts in my life to live more authentically and wholly.
If you’ve known me any time during the span of the last 20 or so years of my life, you may know me as a fun-loving, outgoing competitor to Red Bull. And if you don’t know me personally, you may have a watered-down image of that from my posts or writings as of late. The crazy thing is, Frannie Foltz version 2016 is a much more subdued, toned-down, calmer version of Frannie Foltz version 1995. I know you may find this hard to believe, but I’m speaking the truth here, friend.
For many years of my life, I lived life out loud–really loud–as you see in the colorful printed bottoms I am wearing as a 20-year old college student pictured above. Awful 90s fashion trends aside, at nearly 300lbs I put all of my energy (literally) into hiding my stay-puff exterior; it was exhausting, emotionally and mentally, and frankly, it was a farce. My interior was a tangled web of feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, fear, and rejection, but I pretended that I was “Joy to the World” X100. Then I began doing the internal work necessary to heal from a past that got me in that mess in the first place.
And that is when I came alive.
It is a truism that when an egg is cracked from the outside, life ends,
however, when an egg is cracked from inside, life begins.
In 1997, I began pecking the shell that trapped the real me inside and eventually created a space of wholeness and purity, as we are designed and born.
Over the last two decades, more life experiences occurred, and I created another tough exterior shell to shield me from hurt, pain, and sorrow. Yet, while growing this armor, I didn’t realize that I was caging myself in. This weekend, I flung my armor into an ocean never to be found again.
How timely that spring has sprung and Easter is upon us; both symbolized by eggs, but most importantly, rebirth. This week, I’ve been reborn, too.
Many loved ones have been part of the process of guiding and supporting me, and I am so grateful for them in my life, but I ultimately had to be the one strong enough to do the work from the inside out. I’ve been able to not become anything greater, but to unbecome everything that isn’t what God intended me to be in the first place.
As a midlifer, I am making a commitment to not growing another shell that will need to be cracked again in 10-20 years. I am committing to authentic, genuine love of God, myself and others. I’ve started this week and my world has changed.
So, what about you, sunshine?
Are you ready to experience life again?
To rid your life of shame, guilt, fear, and rejection so you can experience joy, peace, and love the way we are designed and intended to live?
My highest hope and prayer is that you do not let the outside forces of this world break you down, rather that you gain strength to be born again from the inside out.
You are loved beyond measure, sunshine,