“What would I have been like if I wasn’t messed up?”

Written by Foltz

On January 13, 2020

Book excerpt


In Beth Moore’s book Get Out of That Pit, she recalls a conversation with her husband, Keith, where he queried, “What do you think I would have been like, you know,…if I hadn’t been messed up and turned to so much sin? What do you think I would’ve been like?” 

In typical loving, compassionate, and merciful Beth Moore fashion, she responds, “You’re a much neater person healed than you would have been well.”

She continues, addressing the adversity-stricken-reader, “You have the capacity to be a ten times neater person healed than you would have been just plain well. Your wealth of experience makes you rich. Spend it on hurt people. They need it so badly.”

This carried a ton of weight.

I literally closed the book, tears streaming down my cheeks, dripping from my chin and onto the cover of the book.

I wondered, “What would I have been like if I wasn’t messed up?”

I sat and wrestled with this question, because that is what the enemy does. He challenges us to find logic in things that only God can explain. (Rom 8:28; Gen 50:20) 

The Holy Spirit lead me to open the book and reread Beth’s response. 

I have the capacity to be neater and better healed than if I had been well. 

So even as much as I wished, hoped, and prayed to have grown up “well” like that of the Leave-It-To-Beaver-idyllic-life of my besties Melissa and Carrie, because of God’s grace and healing, I possessed potential to use my pain and spend my richness and wealth to help other people. 

This one paragraph was packed with wisdom and permission. 

Divine revelation shrouded over me. 

Almost as if a switch had been flipped, Beth Moore’s insight gave me permission to release years of anger, hurt, and “why-me?-mentality, something I had paid $1000s in therapy to process. 

I realized my anger was not just displaced upon my earthly father, it was sadly also directed upon my Heavenly Father.

For years, I played the blame game-pointing fingers at external vices that I believed wronged me in a number of ways.  

Although I had been walking with God for a number of years, I questioned how God in all of His sovereignty could allow a series of wrongs which all had massive negative effects on my life.

It seemed like I reaped negative consequences only to add insult to injury by piling on my own sinful choices and victim mentality.

But at this moment, I repented and asked for forgiveness for my anger and sin.

I spoke to the many men who’d hurt me over the years and Our Father; I recited Joseph’s words to his brothers from Genesis 50:20 aloud, “What you meant for harm, God intended for my good. Please forgive me for my anger and the sin that resulted from my hurts. Allow me to use my pain for a purpose and to help others heal and realize their potential as we give You glory…In Jesus’ Name.”  


While this is an excerpt from my book today, friend, I wonder if you ever question, “What would I have been like if I wasn’t messed up?” 

Dear one, let me echo Beth Moore’s sentiments: “You have the capacity to be a ten times neater person healed than you would have been just plain well. Your wealth of experience makes you rich. Spend it on hurt people. They need it so badly.” 

May God bless and keep you and may His face shine upon you. Num 6:24-26

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